Well, there’s only so much I can do to make a blog post about
thesis statements interesting, so prepare yourselves for some irrelevant
Michael Jackson gifs dispersed throughout.
I’m
sure most of you have had some sort of instruction on
thesis statements, but often, students will be taught simplistic methods
for
developing a thesis that they sort of latch onto rather than using the
beginner’s
method at first and then evolving toward a more complex method of thesis
development. Think about giving your thesis a makeover. That look you
had going in high school was fine for back them, but it just isn't
working for you anymore now that you're a collegiate superstar. Time to
take it to the next level!
 |
| Michael's excited about how great your thesis will be |
So what makes a strong thesis?
- Promotes thinking: leads you to arrive at ideas, rather than just stating the obviou
- Reduces scope: separates useful evidence from the mass of details. (Sometimes students think, “I know, I’ll write a really general thesis, so I can add additional content to my body paragraphs if I need to,” but this creates a watered-down, vague argument).
- Provides direction: helps you decide what to talk about, what to talk about next, and what NOT to talk about. Imagine little arrows going from your central argument (thesis) to the analysis portions of your body paragraphs. Each new piece of analysis should build on that central argument.
Now, let’s take a look at what makes a not-so-strong thesis:
- Attaches
you too early to a too-large idea so that you stop actually seeing the evidence
in its
real-life complexity or thinking about the idea itself
Get outta here, Three-Point Thesis! - Produces demonstration rather than discovery of new ideas by making the same overly general point again and again about a range of evidence
- Includes too much possible data without helping you see what’s most important to talk about. You really want to avoid facts or lists in your thesis. Save your paragraph topics and information for your body paragraphs.
A strong, productive thesis…
- usually contains tension, the balance of “this” against “that.”
- often begins with a grammatically subordinate idea that will get outweighed by a more pressing claim: “Although X appears to be about Y, it’s actually arguing Z.”
- avoids listing (like a 3-point thesis/5-paragraph essay).
- uses active verbs and specific nouns.
 |
| May your thesis be as strong as the screws in MJ's shoes. |
Here are some examples of strong and weak thesis statements
that relate to our course theme:
Weak:
Homelessness can be caused by circumstances, mental illness, or addiction.
Strong: While
homelessness is a pervasive problem in American society, homeless female vets
are an especially vulnerable population.
Weak: The
upper class lifestyle isn’t all it seems to be.
Strong: One
might assume that a child raised in the upper class has it all, but upper class
children struggle in a variety of ways.
For
your comment EITHER post your working thesis statement you're thinking
about using for your SSI OR comment on two students' thesis statements,
providing helpful/constructive feedback. Also, feel free to share your
favorite Michael Jackson song/video.
zhu.2166
ReplyDeleteMy thesis statement would be: While fashion is widely acknowledged to be an effective communicating tool for people in every different class, people from the upper class are more anxious about representing the social identities of themselves especially.
My SSI tells me that fashion means so much more for the people in the upper class. Instead of just simply showing people's social classes, fashion influences their behavior and cognition construction. it's way beyond just showing off the power or money. Such phenomenon has something to do with social psychology but that's not the part I would like to develop in my SSI. It's still interesting to know that fashion affects people's way of life from upper class.
Hi Qing. I think you thesis statement is very interesting. The relationship between fashion and social class is an attracting aspect I never thought before. Displaying wealth through dress is very common in upper class. I am wondering do you mean "presenting social identities" in your thesis statement?
DeleteI think the content of this thesis is good, however I think it could be reworded to make it more clear to the audience. I think this topic is really interesting and this topic shows how much deeper fashion can be than just materialistic things.
DeleteI think you have a strong thesis statement. It tells me specifically what you are going to be talking about. I agree with Nina that it could be rearranged to make it more clear but otherwise good job!
DeleteI think your thesis statement idea is very strong and relevant. However, I'd rephrase it and make it more concise. Instead of saying "every different class" you could simply just say "every class". Also you might want to explain what does "representing the social identities" mean. But overall your thesis looks very good.
DeleteHi qing. Your thesis statement really abstracted me, and the statement itsself is strong and clear. I can image that you must will achieve a good expansion on this topic. I also have some ideas that mey help you in the further research. Maybe all classes attach importance to fashion, But upper class focus on showing their identity, middle and lower class focus on showing their special aspect. You may include some descussion about this in your future essay.
DeleteZhao.2284
I like your thesis statement. I never really thought to much about fashion and a persons social status together, so it is a very interesting relationship to talk about. Your ideas seem to go together real well, and it seems like you can work with that statement a lot.
Deletehelphrey.4
It's interesting that you consider fashion as a significant element in upper class' life. First of all, they can afford the luxury stuff. Then, those luxury stuffs would became the social identities of themselves. Some people might feel that wearing out of fashion would be ridicules. However, I think people who are more successful might careless about the fashion. Wearing fashion sometimes only personal habits. There social identity is their successful, not how they wear.
Deletechen.6971
DeleteI'm interested in your thesis statement not only because it is very attractive, but also because we have the same topic which is about fashion and American social classes. However, I'm more interested in doing the comparison of upper and lower classes. For your topic, I think since the upper class has more money and authorities, they will pursue something rather than just make they can live but they can live better. Fashion is a tool to show how good their senses is and how well their lives are. It is not just about the status but their concept of live.
I'm interested in your thesis statement, because your thesis statement not only very strong and clear but also can reflect current social situation. I understand that you will talk about how fashion affect people's behavior at upper class. However, I think it might be better if you can compare with different social classes and analyze these differences, because by comparing different classes can obviously reflect different influence in different classes level.
DeleteReally interesting concept to link upper class-fashion-anxiety. I agree that the wording could use some work, but I like the originality you have here.
Deletehoeflinger.8
ReplyDeletepossible thesis statement: America presents itself as a nation founded on the American Dream - equal opportunity that allows that with enough hard work and determination anyone can succeed- but this is not the reality for America.
My research has showed me that mobility between social classes today is extremely unlikely especially at the ends of the spectrum. It can also be seen that those born into the upper class have many more resources and therefore life chances than those of lower classes.
I think your thesis statement is pretty strong, starting with subordinate idea (people's common thought), and then a more pressing claim(the fact) is arisen to overweight it.
DeleteI think this thesis statement is a little unclear, it doesn't really show what all of your essay is going to be able. Maybe try to explain what your topic is more than this and give more of a map of what the rest of your essay is going to be about.
DeleteYour thesis statement seems very strong. I think it could be stronger if you are a little more specific in what the rest of your essay will include.
DeleteI think that your thesis statement is a little vague and more so just stating what the American Dream is defined as. I would recommend being a little more specific on where you are trying to lead your essay.
DeleteYour research is interesting and the inequality of mobility becomes one of the social problems in America. I would recommend you to more specific on which group of classes you would like to focus on your thesis statement, it could be the upper, middle, or lower class.
DeleteI think this is a very great thesis statement. Your research is very similar to mine as well. I like that you used a contradicting idea to start your thesis and then provided the counter-point which is also your belief. Well done sir.
DeleteYour statement is pretty strong and your research support well based on your thesis. I feel so sad about the truth and cannot change anything on it. The reality for the the different class is cruel. Compare with higher class, lower class has lost at the starting line. They cannot afford better education and life quality. The 300% efforts of them might not reach 50% of higher class. I think you can continue doing this, and you can gain a lot.
DeleteI'm loving how the peer feedback is right on for a lot of these. Yes to the narrowing and finding a more specific angle. Maybe think about one factor that has made the American Dream unrealistic.
Deleteliu.6303
ReplyDeleteThe possible thesis statement: Although people have been calling for education equality, the differences in social class still cause some inequalities in education.
The social class determines the quality of education and the resources available to people, to a certain extent. According to my secondary sources, students with good financial background are more likely to get an advanced education. Also, I focused on the race distribution of middle class, and my research showed that economic well-being, parental education levels, and other factors may cause the big gapping between different race.
Your thesis seems a little repetitive; I recommend being more concise, as you don't need to include "education equality" as often. Also, I personally think omitting personal pronouns such as "I" and "My" and stating your argument as a fact will make your thesis much stronger.
DeleteYour thesis is clear and strong enough. The topic is interesting and meaningfull. I noticed that you have conduct your secondery source serching in an open area including not only financial, but also race and parental education. I think that you can focus more on just the financial aspect and control all the other variables constant. For example, best college always have expensive tuition fee.
DeleteZhao.2284
Your thesis statement is similar to mine. Th equality of education also become on of the serious problems in America's societies. While the upper class with the good financial background more easier to get the advanced education, the lower class seems to be like less opportunities to get good education or go to school. I would suggest you to focus on a group of ages. it could be children, students in high school or student in university.
Deletechen.6971
DeleteI really like your topic and you have a very clear primary and secondary source. They're specific and focused. Also, the reason why you represented how the inequality happened are easy understood and detailed. For the other factors I can suggest maybe the status or authorities, discrimination or maybe some personal choices. They can all be different among different social class. I think you will have a very easy next step since you're thinking clearly right now.
So you're going to want to dig a little deeper here. Essentially what you're saying is education opportunities are unequal across the different classes, which is something most rational people would agree with. Maybe think about which educational resources are the most important in helping upper class children get ahead. I'm unclear on which class you are focusing on (you seem to be referencing both the upper class and the middle class) so narrowing that might help narrow your thesis.
Deleteschlachter.17
ReplyDeletePotential thesis statement: The poor health of Americans in the lower class seems like a choice, when in reality it is the result of America's food prices and target marketing. In the produce section of a super market the fresher and healthier the food, the more expensive. My secondary source talks about how fast food chains target those in the lower class with their heavy placement in poor areas and cheap prices. On the other end stores like whole foods target the upper class with their high priced organic super foods.
I like the idea of your thesis statement but there is some awkward wording in it that makes me a little confused. If you re arrange the wording and make it more clear I think you have a great thesis statement on your hands.
DeleteYour overall argument and topic is very interesting, but I think that your thesis statement could be reworded better. You could start your thesis statement with "While the poor...". You could also be more specific instead of just saying "America's food prices and target marketing". Perhaps you could talk about the steep prices of healthy food in your T.S.
Deletecui.468
DeleteI like the angel of your thesis statement which is familiar with my topic. Your thesis statement is specific and progressing. Maybe you can change the order of your words and use some active verbs to get it better.
I really liked your topic and the way you presented your thesis. I feel as if I can see the way the SSI would develop given your thesis. The thesis could be rephrased at some points, however. For instance, you can make "the poor health of Americans in the lower class" less wordy by changing it to "the poor health of lower class Americans."
DeleteYour topic is excellent and your thesis statement is in detail However, I think maybe you can have more special angles about your topic. Not only pay attention to how food connect to their health, you may also talk about their mental health, such as their stress from different society class. It's helpful.
DeleteI really enjoy the topic of your thesis. Although it slightly repeats itself. You could start naming ways that if effects children rather than relating that it does. It is well written and organized. I liked the thesis.
DeleteI agree with your peer feedback: great concept, wording could use some work. What if you tried wording this in the active voice rather than using passive verbage? For example, saying poor Americans are making bad health choices is different than saying the passive "seems like a choice."
DeleteMy primary source is a story of a homeless man who returns an engagement ring that he accidentally panhandled, and thus received $200k from a fund raised by the owners of the ring. He then put this money in a trust fund, bought a relatively inexpensive house and car, and started a business for himself. My secondary sources include examples of lottery winners seeking financial assistance and not going bankrupt, and also information on the spending habits of the poor.
ReplyDeleteOne of my possible thesis statements is: One might assume someone with recent financial windfall would be tempted of the luxuries of the upper class, but many are able to secure their new wealth.
I do like the ideas you have and the way I think you're trying to take you essay. I think that your thesis statement is good and not too vague. The only thing I have to say is that I am not too fond of the beginning potion "one might assume". It seems somewhat opinionated and not what everyone thinks.
DeleteThat is a good starting statement, but you will definitely need to add more detail to it. Although it says "statement" the thesis statement is actually more like a paragraph. You have a very good starting idea though that will be good to elaborate upon.
DeleteI like your topic and your thesis. However, it feels as if it could be rephrased to sound a little less awkward. The concept behind your thesis is good, it just needs to have its wording re-arranged.
DeleteAgree with Will here: good concept but the wording needs some work. The issue is in the introductory phrase. "With recent windfall" sounds odd, like you're missing a word (with [a] recent financial windfall." And then you have "of" luxuries when it should be tempted "by" luxuries. Try reading your thesis statement aloud to catch awkward wording.
Deleteni.249
ReplyDeleteMy potential thesis statement is :Progressively the EV driving has become a new symbol of cool and innovative lifestyle or self-identity. In terms of the high-tech cost and the corresponding purchasing power, most companies in this field initially made their products meet the need of the upper-class people, while with the rise of middle-class, more cost-effective EV choices are provided for those potential consumers.
Your thesis is interesting for me, maybe I can never think up a thesis like this. But for my perspective, EV is the most common tool for riding for middle and lower class, upper class people still like driving car for tripping, at least in China. Due to I never did some research about this aspect in America, my thought could be limited. I'm looking forward to your writing in this thesis.
DeleteHolly Zhao
zhao.2576
Your topic is thesis statement very interesting. When making a production, companies are likely to locate the level of their consumer first. Always, facing different social classes, they would choose different productions to fit them. It's a useful tool in marking and I am very interested in your topic.
DeleteSo this could definitely be simplified into a single, clear sentence. You're trying to demonstrate contrast here, so the first part of your thesis should signify that electric vehicles are typically an upper class luxury. Then shift to your original argument which is about EV companies targeting middle class consumers. You can accomplish this is just one sentence with half the wording you have here, so keep tinkering with it.
DeleteMy primary source is about intergenerational wealth and poverty in America. A potential thesis for my paper is: Intergenerational poverty in America directly results from a negative feedback loop of economic, psychological, and social factors.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested in the thesis of your primary source, this is also what I want to search and do analysis about as a part of my paper. However, for your potential thesis, I think it could be more attractive if you change it from the direct title to a trans-formative style. Overall, I'm looking forward to your secondary source analysis.
DeleteHolly Zhao (zhao.2576)
I really like the concept of the negative feedback loop, but we want to try to avoid a listing thesis (economic, psychological, and social factors). Is there something else you can note about the feedback loop that doesn't involve listing? Maybe something about the emotional toll of the feedback loop?
DeleteTianyu Wang.9748
ReplyDeleteMy primary source is about the people living under the poverty line. My thesis may be that" The federal government has supported those living under poverty line so much, while individualism attributes the reason of poverty to those people 's own flam, but how could they become more wealth under the nowadays social situation."
I like the idea of your thesis statement and the direction you want to go. I think that you can maybe rearrange some of the wording to make it bit stronger.
Deletehelphrey.4
Yeah, I'm having some trouble following this with the wording issues. I'm not sure if you're saying that government programs contribute to poverty or the bootstrap myth/individualism is the cause of poverty, or if you're saying something else entirely. I'm assuming "flam" should actually be "fault," but I'm still not 100% clear on the argument you are making in the last part of that sentence.
Deletehe.1506
ReplyDeleteMy primary source is a poor black man was shining shoes for a businessman from Wall Street. The potential thesis for me would be main obstacles to social mobility in America nowadays. The secondary sources indicated me to focus on two aspects. Firstly, educational inequality. Secondly, racial discrimination.
Actually, the problem of the social mobility is also the aspect that I am now paying attention to. Indeed, the education inequality as well as the racial discrimination are the two main factors that cause the mobility to decrease a lot. However, for my own perspective, your description of your primary source and thesis statement is concise, maybe you could detailed your description about the nowadays social mobility and how the secondary source you found relate to your thesis and then, your thesis statement could be more eye-catching.
DeleteHanxia Zhang
zhang.8873
So this isn't so much a thesis as it is a listing of your topic. Try to find a more specific argument within the broad statement that education inequality and race are the main obstacles to social mobility. Maybe think about why those two factors are the most important.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy possible thesis statement: On the one hand, varying living condition and lifestyle result from class difference. Class difference, like varying lifestyle, varying parenting and the different environment where children grow up, on the other hand, may lead to varying outcome of children. In other words, rich child may get richer while poor child may get poorer.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite Michael Jackson song is absolutely Billie Jean:)
Deletecui.468
DeleteI think your the range of your thesis statement is wide and not specific. In order to make your statement strong and clear you can reduce your scope.
I think you need to reduce scope for your thesis statement. Because lifestyle and living condition involved so many aspects, which will make your readers do not understand what you want to talk about. In my point of view, you can pick one single lifestyle or living condition in different social classes and try to analyze it, which can make your thesis statement stronger.
DeleteI think there is too much unnecessary information in your statement. Maybe you could only leave out the first and last sentences and cut the part of varying examples, in which your statement will look clearer and more focused.
DeleteYep, your peers are right on here. First, notice how many times you repeated "varying," which is a very general term. I would dig deeper with that very last sentence. Why do you think this is? What, if anything, can be done about it? You want to narrow your focus beyond varying lifestyles and classes create varying outcomes for children. Billy Jean, huh? I appreciate that, but I think my favorite has to be Black or White. I still have no idea how they were able to transition faces like that back then.
DeleteMichael Ross
ReplyDeleteRoss.1455
The basis for my paper is looking at the disparity in the quality of healthcare between socioeconomic classes and the reasons for this disparity. My primary source is a photograph of a brand new hospital room in a new children's hospital in an affluent community in Portland, Oregon. My secondary sources include testimonials from doctors who have worked in lower and upper class hospitals, an example of a closing hospital in a lower class neighborhood, and a reviewed journal article that looks into why lower class people have higher mortality rates than upper class people.
My potential working thesis is as follows: While the healthcare field is supposed to have the sole goal of saving people's lives, it has really turned into a business enterprise in which one's position in the socioeconomic hierarchy plays a major role in their prognosis as a patient.
Your thesis is really meaningful, and the statement about the health care has turned into business enterprise that you proposed is also a profound aspect. Indeed, healthcare should hold the only purpose of saving people's lives, however, because of the inequality between the upper and lower classes, this goal cannot be reached easily. The upper class's people always own the privileges, which will then result in the ignorance of the lower class's people, and then, the situation just becomes worse and worse. Finally, the lower class's people cannot achieve equally treatment. So, the thesis and the aspect of America social class you choose are really profound and meaningful.
DeleteHanxia Zhang
zhang.8873
Really great thesis, but I bet you can get those ideas into a single sentence.
Deletecai.694
ReplyDeleteThe possible thesis statement: With the rapid development of fashion industry, fashion is no longer a privilege for the upper class, but it still serves different functions to people from different social classes.
My primary source is a photo taken near the subway station in New York City. It contains a poor man sitting on the stairs while three stylish ladies standing near him. One of my secondary sources include the introduction of “fast fashion” and “second-hand stores”, another points out that fashion is related to emotional well-being.
Seems like your secondary sources are going in multiple directions. You start with some specificity, but the end of your thesis reads as very general. Try to find a narrow angle both for your thesis and your research. I'm thinking the emotional well-being would make the most sense given your source.
DeleteMy potential thesis is "The typical middle class life in America is often overgeneralized, but by analyzing how activities and experiences are emphasized in their life, the ideals of the middle class can be clarified." My primary source depicts a suburban family playing baseball in their driveway, and I am planing on connecting the image to secondary sources explaining how the middle class spends their time and money.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if "overgeneralized" is the right word there. I'm also not seeing a clear argument here beyond the analysis will reveal a picture of the middle class. What is message is your photo trying to convey about the middle class? How does that fit with society's perception of the middle class?
DeleteMy thesis statement might be " While most of people have noticed the phenomenon of obesity in low-income American children recent years. Less people lay the blame on absence of their parents and a potential risk which the marketing strategies used by fast-food industry.
ReplyDeleteActually, before I study the correlation between obese children from low income families and their dietary choices. My common thoughts about their relationship is that high-calories junk food possess affordable price and their mouthwatering flavor. However, I ignore some potential factors. Like, the absence of their parents, fast-food industries's tricky marketing strategies targeting these vulnerable lower class group. Thus, my most important part of my SSI is about some secret in fast-food industry and how they trying to attract lower-class kids using advertising.
The wording definitely needs work here (and try to fit it all into one sentence), but I think you have an interesting concept here. I would just focus on fast food companies targeting kids and busy parents b/c those concepts work together.
DeletePotential thesis statement: While healthcare inequality has become a major trend in the American society, minority groups especially have fallen victims to this infamous crisis.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting concept here, but work on diction (word choice). The terms "major trend" and "infamous" seem out of place.
DeleteWell I think a good thesis statement for my work would be ' What are the effects of poverty in the United States and what are the measures that can be taken to eradicate it?' There are many people today who assume that poverty is not that much of a serious issue. And this negligence has been fueling this issue to get worse day by day. So I propose that people should not just be aware of this issue by getting as much info and statistics as possible but also knowing on ways we can stop it. I feel that it would be inappropriate to leave people hanging on what poverty is and wondering about what we can do to stop it.
ReplyDeleteRemember, we want a thesis statement, not a thesis question. Also, that is a huge topic (effects of poverty and how to combat it) that really can't be properly addressed in a research paper. Work on narrowing your focus considerably and also framing your thesis as a statement. You should be making a specific argument that will be supported by the analysis of your primary source and your secondary source info.
Delete
ReplyDeleteMy primary source is 'the fairness of the law in American that treat with people from different social class'.
As a book that i found as a resource names 'The Rich Get Richer and the Poor Get Prison: Ideology, Class, and Criminal Justice'
The poor are easier to be captured and their terms of imprisonment are longer than the rich and finally causes the illusion to the public that it is the poor that threat the social security of USA and the poor always suffer from prejudice in their daily life and works.
In the society, the poor have so many disadvantages when comparing to the rich and if the law treat them prejudiced, they will live even harder.
zhang.8902
So I'm assuming your working thesis statement starts with "The poor are easier..." I like the ideas presented here, but I would definitely work on the wording. I think you're trying to touch on how the prison system traps poor people which contributes to the stereotype that poor people are criminals.
Deletetang.1251
ReplyDeleteMy thesis statement might be "While education was considered as an effective way to improve personal status, inequalities in education are widening the gap between different classes with the development of education system."
I like the idea here, but I'd like to see you be more specific than "the development of [the] education system" since that doesn't really provide the reader with much new information.
DeleteSam McGhee
ReplyDeletemcghee.118
My topic is on the wealth gap in America and what the population perceives about inequality in the United States. There are a lot of conflicting opinions on the topic. My thesis statement would be something like this:
The overall culture of the socioeconomic differences in this country are often confusing and unclear with many Americans standing on both sides of the aisle when talking about government reform.
So I wonder if you can make this more specific and more clear. Terms like "overall culture" and "socioeconomic differences" and "government reform" aren't providing me with a narrow enough picture of what your topic and argument is.
DeleteMy primary source talks about lotteries have been perceived as one of the many ways that the lower-class people in America use to easily attain upward social mobility. Thus, my thesis statement for SSI would be: While the lottery shows the big dream that the lower-class people have, there are still many ways for the lower-class people move upwards their social ladder.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if this is the strongest thesis for your topic since this makes it sound like you'll be analyzing the other ways people move up the social ladder (and I know your source is a lottery commercial, so that should be your focus).
DeleteThesis: The concept of the Electric vehicle is well-associated with the upper middle class/ the wealthy. This was done by target marketing geared especially towards this socio-economic group. Various steps must be taken towards making the Technology cheaper in order to close in on the affordability gap and so it is more available to the other classes.
ReplyDeleteKovvuri.1
DeleteSo this thesis/topic is really similar to another student's above. Try to make your argument in a single sentence and work on the wording here. If your primary source isn't about making EV more affordable, you might not want to go down that road in your thesis. Also "well-associated" maybe isn't the word you're looking for there.
DeleteMy thesis statement will likely be: While poverty presents financial issues, the greatest issue of concern regards the health and well being of the destitute. My focus is on wealth and poverty and the sources I have found elaborate on this topic. I believe I can weave together a cohesive SSI with this.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely work on the wording here. It's kind of odd to say poverty presents financial issues when poverty is, by definition, living in financial crisis, and then saying health and well-being of the destitute is a little vague. Maybe think about a specific aspect of health/well-being like emotional well-being.
DeleteMy primary source is about a wealthy mother posing happily with her expensive clothes and stroller. For my SSI, I am going to use an article that talks about how wealthy mothers aren’t always happy but feel guilty for being wealthy without having to work. My SSI show that being a wealthy mother isn’t very appealing. Possible thesis: Although many people would assume that being wealthy has perks, wealthy mothers often face challenges in their life.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good start, but I would try to get more specific "wealthy, working mothers" and maybe describe the type of challenges (since all mothers face challenges, what is unique about theirs?)
DeleteMy working thesis statement: While it can be easily discerned that children in the middle to upper class have a monetary advantage over the developing youth within the lower class, poverty's hindering affects on children are more thoroughly pervasive than merely economics.
ReplyDeleteFrom the way you make up the thesis, I guess you have learned something from the sample strong thesis given above and I think it works pretty good. I also find the topic you're going to write about is attractive and specific.
DeleteSo this is a little too veiled to be a strong thesis statement. I need you to focus on the lower class, if that's the focus of your primary source, and then get a little more specific than "hindering effects," since most rational people would agree that poverty has a hindering effect on children, so we need more here to create a specific, original argument.
DeleteMy primary source is the music video by Kendrick Lamar, of the song, "Money Trees".
ReplyDeletePossible thesis statement: While the large lack of opportunity and healthy lifestyle in the lower class are so easily overlooked in today's society, the works of celebrities and higher figures can very well shed light on this topic and bring awareness to the issues happening around America today.
I'm not sure if I'm following here. I think what you're saying is a poverty narrative from a celebrity who has class jumped has a unique credibility in terms of raising awareness? I'm not 100% sure if that's what you're saying, and I'm also wondering if that's a strong enough argument. You might want to look at the authority/credibility factor of musicians, in particular, who live an extreme upper class lifestyle but still use images/references to poverty.
DeleteMy topic is on generational poverty in Eastern Kentucky, where I grew up and have seen my entire life. My working thesis statement is: Persistent generation poverty in rural Eastern Kentucky is a trap, leaving children born into this existence as the most vulnerable of victims in a nearly inescapable vicious cycle of poverty and unrealized potential.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite Michael Jackson song is old school from the Jackson Five. I remember watching this as a kid... hopefully this works...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-aSjHnbw18
I think the "unrealized potential" is an interesting path to go down. By allowing generational poverty to continue on, children are robbed of a future and are also unable to financially contribute to their communities when they are grown. Also, I love ABC when I was a kid! That used to be our Saturday cleaning/dancing song!
Deletewang.10635
ReplyDeleteMy thesis statement would be: While health is given more and more priority since now people are able to support their basic life, people in different social class have different ability to keep a balance between the health and their jobs.
My SSI shows that health is increasingly important to the residents, but people in lower class cannot afford a healthier schedule, food and lifestyle since they have to spend more time on jobs and have little money to keep in health, while the rich have enough sources to maintain a physical and mental health. It is interesting to know that nowadays money is not the only thing which is different between different class but health also is.
Wording could definitely be cleaner but I love the health-work balance topic.
DeleteMy primary source is about the selfishness of the rich and the inequality between the rich and the poor.
ReplyDeleteMy thesis: Society's view of success as how much money a person has, causes wealthy people to become more greedy and causes an increase in inequality.
I would try to get more specific here. Maybe think about a replacement for "Society." What is uniquely American about our concept of success? How does a wealthy person's greed affect wealth disparity if there are few wealthy people and a large amount of the poor?
DeleteBased on the primary source and secondary sources, my thesis statement might be: Although mental illness and crime seem to be common in the American society, the lower class people are more likely to get into trouble. I aim to focus on reasons, processes, consequences and other aspects specifically of this problem in order to analysis the connection between social class and psychological condition.
ReplyDeleteXianqin Qiu
qiu.367
I really like this thesis, but maybe you can be a little more specific than "get into trouble," since that sounds more related to children. Seems like you're covering a lot with your research, so be sure to only analyze what is necessary and keep a narrow focus.
DeleteMy primary source is a commercial by McDonald's called "Baby, I'm Lovin' It"
ReplyDeleteMy possible thesis statement is: While social classes have gotten noticeably less important when judging an individuals character over time, they have yet to change in a way that give individuals suffering from poverty the opportunity to eat healthily.
While this statement is fairly wordy, I hope to condense it more. What I mean is that although individuals are no longer judging each other as harshly based on social classes, the lower classes are still suffering exponentially from things such as a lack of access to healthy food.
I would try to keep a more narrow focus on the eating healthfully. That came as a surprise at the very end of your thesis, which probably isn't the effect you're going for. I'm not sure you need to focus on judgment between classes at all if you're actual topic is lack of access to healthy food in the lower class.
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